I miss LOST. Everything about it. The online fandom was probably the first I'd ever got properly involved in, and I remember exactly how it happened. I became addicted to LOST during the 2nd season - the third episode if I remmeber correctly, as it was one of those things where everyone at school was raving about it, and seeing as I usually find 'popular' things very hard to like, I didn't bother for a while. But then I caved - and damn was it good! This was back in the wonderful days when it was on C4 in the UK, and I bought the first season (my first ever TV boxset) to catch up between watching episodes of S2 'live' on TV once a week. After it moved to Sky, I was forced to look up every episode online - getting up extra early on Friday mornings to watch before 6th form started - and it was while I was searching for the episode where it was exposed that Kate was looking after Aaron off the island that I came across the 'Secrets and Recaps' videos by Seanie B. Those videos eventually led me to a discussion forum set up for the recap vids, which I eagerly signed up to and lurked/posted on as frequently as I possibly could. Often to the detriment of my Uni assignments and lectures, but never mind. A few weeks later I was picked by the maker of the site - much to my surprise - to become a moderator, and settled into the role immediately.
I was always on there, discussing every little detail of every episode, making online friends, banning members, moderating threads, responding to alerts, deleting posts and the like. It was SO much fun. I loved the banter, the discussions, the power and also the respect that I often struggled to gain from others in other areas of my life. It was amazing. I even miss the day that I came back from Spain to find that Seanie B had been exposed as a plaigeriser, and the whole forum was in disarray. Strangely, I miss the abuse I would get from people with too much time on my hands. I miss the excitement of one of my theories ending up in one of Seanie B's vids. I miss the shipping wars of Jaters vs Skaters (I was a Jater). I miss staying up until 5am watching episodes live as they aired in the US and missing out on sleep and revision time because of it. I even failed an exam after staying up until 5:30 watching the S6 finale 2 days before it - worth it though. I miss getting together with a group of other mods and forum members on MSN to discuss episodes live. I miss spending days - weeks - speculating and discussing a painting on the wall of Widmore's office or the look in someone's eye or the numbers or an egyptian symbol, and of course the mystery of why Richard never aged. And the discussions of Tawaret (is it, is it not? What is the purpose of the statue? Did it getting knocked down cause the fertility problems on the island?) that went on for months. I miss the threads I made. I miss the posts that everyone else made. I really, really miss all the friends I made in Canada, the UK, Australia, America and Eastern Europe - people who I would have never met without Lost.
Why do all good things come to an end?
When S6 ended, I was at a bit of a loss over what to do with my life, and within 2 weeks of the final episode the site was closed. Connections were broken, that chapter of my life was closed, and that was that. So I finished my year at uni, got a job and eventually joined another fandom which I am still a part of, and love with all my heart.
But recently I've been rewatching Lost and it's all come flooding back to me. Everything that Lost once meant to me has faded away, and all I have left of my place in the fandom are my own memories. Life goes on, yes, but sometimes I wish it didn't. I miss everything from the build up of excitement before each episode of the show itself to deciphering heiroglyphics, deciphering whispers and multiplying, adding, subtracting and dividing numbers in a desperate attempt to end up with 4, 8, 15, 16, 32, 42 or 108. Lost wasn't just a show, it was a way of life. Even now, I still feel something is missing without it.
But what I find the worst of all is that until my rewatch, I rarely even thought about the show or the fandom. It means that everything that is important to me now could mean absolutely nothing to me by this time next year. And that thought terrifies me.
So that is why I'm writing this blog post, in this blog I never write in and probably no-one ever reads. To recapture the memories. Lost was a masterpiece, a once-in-a-lifetime experience that I was very lucky to be a part of. I will never, ever let myself forget it again.
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