Bullying

It really pains and upsets me to see how much prejudice there is in the world. Everyone is different. Coloured, white, gay, bi, straight, religious, atheist, fat, thin, short, tall, shy, outgoing, short sighted, brunette, blonde, red-haired, disabled, able-bodied... we're all here for a reason. We all have as much right to live a happy, safe life as everyone else. Who gave anyone the right to say that the way someone else lives their life? Who gave anyone the right to make someone else feel worthless and unwanted because they're different? Or commit hate crimes just because they can?

Almost on a weekly basis I read about someone who feels their life is worthless - not because it is, but because someone else has made them feel they're not worthy of anything because they were born a different way to the person who made them feel like that. It's even worse when there are suicides. Take, for example, Jamey Rodemeyer. Last year his story was all over the news - the story that a teenage boy had committed suicide because it became unbearable due to people bullying him because he was gay. Stories like that make me sick. He was fourteen - a child. A child. And the worst thing was that his case isn't isolated. I feel so ashamed to be a human when I know what other humans are doing.

I was bullied as a child and grew up believing I was disgusting, fat, ugly, worthless, and stupid. It destroyed my self confidence and any self worth I once had, and by the age of 13 I had retreated entirely into my shell. I hated speaking to people or being the centre of attention for fear of being judged by them. At 14 I was self harming and at 15 I wished I was dead, however I never tried to take my own life because I couldn't do it to my family. Throughout everything, my family have always been there for me, despite the way I blamed them for everything and even told them I hated them. I've never hated them - even though I thought I did - I was just blaming them for the way I felt because deep down I knew they were the only ones who would never leave me, whatever I said. And because I have them, I know I was one of the lucky ones. I'm not going to lie and say everything is okay now, because it isn't. I still suffer from a lack of confidence and bouts of depression, but I have brilliant friends, I have my family, I know I'm loved, I'm on my way to getting a university degree, and I'm still here.

When people bully others I din't think they know what they're doing. Particularly children. For them it's just a game, something to do that makes them feel better than others due to their own insecurities. But it's not a game, and it's not funny. They're taking away the one thing that a person needs to be happy - their own sense of self worth. The feeling that they deserve to be as happy as the next person. Without that you have nothing - believe me, I've been there. I know.

If anyone who's reading this is being bullied, or know someone who's being bullied - please do something. Don't suffer in silence. People care, and they'll listen to you, and help you. I wish I'd known that when I was bullied, before it was too late. For every person out there who thinks they're better than you, there are at least two who want to help you.

This is an old blog post that I started writing 6 months ago, but since then I've met a very influencial person and made some friends for life, who have helped with with my social anxiety and made my life worth living again without even trying. I know how it feels to go be bed with a smile on my face and wake up with it still in place. I just want to let everyone out there know that you are not worthless. You're a miracle. You're amazing. Don't give up, because, as Dolly Parton once said - If you want to see the sunshine, you've gotta put up with the rain.